The Syndicate
by DeidreDali
Summary: Let's go back to New Moon. Suppose Bella jumped off of that cliff and woke up in a hospital bed five years older with a severe case of amnesia and a thirst to remember what she has forgotten? rated M for citrusy goodness.
1. Prologue

**New story... New story... I'm very excited about this one.**

**Things you should know before reading:**

***I will still be working on 'Don't Go Changing'  
******I'm keeping it legit and using the monsters we know and love  
*******If you can figure out the title's meaning in the story I will worship you for all eternity and post your name in the "Hall of eternal genius" on my profile. (yes this is just a ploy to get more reviews... but can you blame me? love me some reviews!)**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns... :(**

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**Prologue**

I awoke to a blinding light tearing through my eyelids. Something was shoved in my throat and I began gagging uncontrollably until someone came and pulled it out and I took a deep breath of air, letting it free my lungs of stale oxygen. It wasn't as fresh as I would have hoped but I took what I could get. I steadied my breath and opened my eyes to meet the fluorescents stuffed into the eggshell white ceilings.

"Bella, you're awake." Someone cooed into my ear. I knew the voice but my headache kept me from placing it.

It was strange. I knew exactly where I was, but I had no idea what I had done to get here. Usually when I wake up in a hospital it's after I pass out during some stitches or when I trip and break a leg, or arm, or wrist, or my tailbone… but I had no idea what had happened. All I knew is that I was lying on top of a bed pan and my head felt like an atomic bomb had exploded in my brain.

Warm hands wrapped around my face as a pair of soft lips grazed my temple. "God, you scared me. You took a pretty big spill." It was weird, I mean, I didn't even remember an accident. I didn't even remember anything really. Except… he left. He left me so I jumped off… wait… I'm losing it. I can't remember who left me. Did I jump or fall? The thinking quickly caused a sharp pain towards the back of my neck, so I calmed myself down and focused on the present.

I turned to face the voice that had been answering all of my questions. Jacob. I could tell by his eyes. But he looked much different… older? Hah, that would be weird. I was probably still fuzzy.

"Did I fall off of the bike again? Hit one of those rocks in the field?" I joked. I had fallen off of that damn thing more times that I could count. But that was only natural; I was still in the learning stage. Shit, why couldn't I remember what happened?

"Your bike?" He looked as confused as I felt. "Bells, we got rid of that thing like years ago."

"Jake… what's going on?" He had a crease in his forehead I had never seen before. And as I studied my surroundings I noticed that this place looked nothing like Forks Community Hospital. "Can I talk to Dr. Cullen? Something is wrong." I touched my forehead and something cold shocked my skin. I removed my hand from my face and held it in front of me. There was a ring there… on my left ring finger. I fainted.

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**Pretty crazy, huh? **

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	2. A New Beginning

**Hey, Hey. I'm so excited about this story and I hope you all are too. **

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the characters; I own a magazine clipping of Robert Pattinson that I sometimes share my life stories with. P.S. He loves the story.**

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Chapter One

"Mrs. Black? Mrs. Black you need to wake up." My eyelids fluttered open to reveal a brunette in a pair of bright pink scrubs smiling from ear to ear as she patted me awake. Her hair was pulled back into a severe ponytail with one of those elastic bands holding back her bangs. All in all it wasn't the most pleasant thing to wake up to.

"Excuse me?" I questioned slowly, still groggy from all of the medication and pain killers.

"Well, hey there Mrs. Black! It's nice to see you're awake. I'm Jessica." Her chipper attitude was giving me a massive headache… or was it the fainting… maybe both. "I need to check you blood pressure and give you a few shots."

"Sorry, I think you have the wrong room. My name is Ms. Swan." Noticing that she probably wasn't the brightest bulb in the box, I emphasized the Miss and the Swan, but regardless "Little Miss Muffet" didn't seem to understand so I clarified. "I'm Bella Swan." I smiled gently and a panicked look spread across her face. "Is something wrong?" She gave me another quick fake smile and grimaced as she turned to the chart and fled the room.

I heard her chattery little voice and another lower tone speaking outside my room, and a few seconds later the pitter-patter of her prancing resonated as she made her way back to my room. Somehow the pink was even more nauseating once my focus was in check. Hot pink scrubs. Why?

"Sorry for the mistake, Miss Swan. You were just wearing a ring so I assumed." I wasn't convinced. "Anyways, Dr. Cullen will be by shortly to do a quick check up before your MRI." Dr. Cullen; so at least one thing was going right today.

Jessica began humming as she turned to a small rolling tray with two syringes on it and wrapped a blood pressure meter around my upper arm, pumping it up before she turned to her watch to time it. Then she wrote a few things down on a clipboard and grabbed the first shot. It didn't hurt too bad, but the second was killer. I could feel it coursing through my veins as it made its way first down to my hand, and then up my arm towards my chest.

As Perky McGee trotted away with her magical rolling tray I rested my pounding head against the lumpy pillow and closed my eyes, hoping this would all be over soon and I could wake up from this nightmare.

**********

"Bella?" I opened my eyes, finding it a little bit easier the more I practiced. "This is the longest you've been out I think. Congratulations." I laughed a little and focused my vision to find that it wasn't Carlisle at all. It was Jasper. Now this is fucked up. He was taller than I remember and his hair was short… I didn't like it.

"Your hair! What happened to you?" He leaned over and waved a flashlight in my eyes like his father usually did, and pulled out his stethoscope. I tried to sit up as slowly as possible so that my enormous head pounding didn't short circuit my nervous system. Once I was up, Jasper steadied my shoulders and pressed the end of his stethoscope against my back.

"Deep breaths." I followed his instruction and sucked in air each time he moved the amplifier across my back and along my chest and stomach.

When he was done he returned the tool to its original place around his neck and ran a finger through his short hair. "You like it? Alice figured out how to give me a haircut so I look older. The goldie locks look was finally catching up with me."

Something was very different about him. Not just his hair, but his demeanor. He was usually so stiff around me and I never knew how I actually felt about him because he was altering my emotions to make me feel more comfortable. There's something unnerving about not being in control of one's emotions that never sat right with me. But now he was calm and in control, shit, he was even in a hospital.

"Why are you here? Jasper you can't be here! It's a hospital. You could hurt someone." He laughed a little and then lifted his hands to press them against my neck and I slapped them away. "What's going on?" I shouted this time so he would pay attention. He stopped and glared at me for a moment.

"Shit." He started rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Okay. Do you know why you are here?"

"Jake said I took a big spill. I guess I fell of the motorcycle again." Jasper shook his head and the nametag on his lab jacket jingled against the pens in his pocket. "What is this? You even have a coat. How did you get a..." It hit me in waves. My body hurt. I was in a hospital. I couldn't remember anything. Jasper was comfortable around humans. I was dead. "Holy shit! I'm dead. I'm dead, I died!" Jasper tried to interrupt but I wouldn't listen. "I wasn't ready for this. I had things to do. I haven't even—"

"Bella, you're not dead. You should be, but you aren't. You were moving things into your new apartment and you slipped on the staircase and went through the window and then you free fell for about two stories. Thankfully you landed in a dumpster or you wouldn't be here right now. You suffered a broken tibia, two broken ribs and one bruised, a collapsed lung, and a severe concussion with a small slice on the back of your head when you hit the dumpster that caused a concussion. You were also in a coma for about three days then you woke up and we sedated you due to the pain. You have been here for a little over a week and a half."

I didn't know what to think. One second I'm fine, the next I'm dead, and now I have amnesia. The room was beginning to spin a little. I grasped at my head and heard the bleeps of that stupid cliché machine picking up. So I took a breath and waited for the pulse to slow before I asked any more questions. A heart attack would do me no good at this point. "Why would I be moving into an apartment? I'm only 18; that's absurd."

Jasper turned to the nurse just outside the door and she nodded and left. Once she was gone he closed the door and grabbed the closest chair and pulled it toward where I sat on the bed. He took off his jacket and sported a bland pair of green scrubs (a welcome break from the pinks and purples flouncing through the hallways) and set the clipboard down on the end of the bed and sat down in the chair. "Tell me, what is the last thing you remember?"

**********

It was a few months ago.

Edward left me. He said his family couldn't live in Forks anymore without people noticing how young they continued to look. That was a lie; there was an accident on my birthday when I got a paper cut and Jasper couldn't handle the scent and he didn't want to endanger me anymore.

I wanted to go with him, but he said I wasn't good for him; he couldn't be himself around me. That was a lie too, he used to tell me that the only time he was truly himself was when he was with me.

He told me that in time I would forget about him. Another lie, I thought about him constantly, and if by chance I stopped thinking about him, the next time I did it was enough to make up for lost time.

Then he made me a promise. He promised me that I would never see him again, and it would be like he didn't exist. He had to have been lying. Sure he had taken the CD he made me and the pictures of him, but I still had the written proof. "_Edward Cullen, Charlie's kitchen, Sept. 13__th_." So I waited for him, and waited for him, but he never showed.

I know somewhere deep down I knew he was telling the truth, but in the end he wasn't human and I was. It was a burden on him to feel the way he felt about me with so much risk behind it. So I lived off of the knowledge that he was still out there somewhere… loving me.

The first few days I couldn't eat or sleep, my emotions were vacant and my entire body was numb. All in all, it wasn't my best moment. Then Jake came and saved me. We started rebuilding two motorcycles we had found in someone's gutter and for a while I forgot. Then one day everything caught up with me.

I was riding for the first time by myself and I was feeling a little daring and took my journey to the road. I started off well, but then I began to pick up speed and I lost control and hit a rock. As I flew through the air his voice ripped through the air around me. "You are going to be the death of me. Why can't you take care of yourself for five minutes?" Once I heard that voice I could never go back. I started doing whatever I could to hear the voice again. I drove through red lights in 5:00 traffic, I ran until I fainted, I sped down winding roads, I jumped off of the cliff by the ocean.

**********

I snapped back to reality to face Jasper. "I jumped off of a cliff into the ocean at First Beach. I remember watching Jake do it and then I followed. I stayed under the water until I heard Edward's voice and then something pulled me to the surface. That's all I remember."

"Bella… that was about five years ago." The room was flying past at about a thousand miles per hour and I was sitting perfectly still, watching my past flash about my view. Pictures of my childhood, the divorce, Phoenix, Butt-crack Santa in Forks, Steak and cobbler at the diner; it felt like everything was gone. I didn't really know what to think. So I didn't. I just watched the room spin and felt the tear roll down my cheek, my heartbeat quicken, my head ache, and my arms and legs become numb.

"Give it to me straight doc." I thought the humor would help. It did a little, but it was like throwing a few dozen ice cubes into a forest fire.

"You're 23. You graduated from Dartmouth with a degree in literature about four years ago."

I looked at the parts of my body I could see without a mirror. Of course, my skin was a bit beat up and was full of yellowish purple bruises, but from what I could see, my skin looked a bit older. My legs were a bit longer and extremely toned save one calf that was covered with a rather thick cast. My hair only fell about an inch or two past my shoulder which wasn't idea, but I was happy to know that it was the same color. I guess things could have been worse. I wasn't dead, which was a great relief, and I may not remember college, but at least I got things done. A literary major… exactly what I wanted.

"So what we are dealing with here is a classic case of amnesia. Yours is selective, which means that you remember as far back as a time where you were in an extreme state of stress." He stood up again and picked up the clipboard, scribbling things across it with a pencil. "So we're going to go ahead and do a final MRI of your head and chest." Right on queue, two guys arrived with a wheel chair and hoisted me onto it with ease. I didn't even have time to look back at Jasper before I was flying down hallways, turning here and there before ending up at the oh-so-familiar circular contraption.

**********

About two and a half hours later I was finished with both of my scans and wheeled back to my bland hospital room where I saw Jacob sitting in an armchair resting his eyes. The men quietly placed me back on the bed and I searched for the button on the side of the bed to prop myself up. Then I turned on the TV and searched the channels. So, I lived in Seattle now. All of the channels are in HD, whatever that means, it looks the same to me. Michael Jackson died. We have a black president. It was a lot to take in at one time… not to mention someone totally fucked up the Food Network. I don't know who half of these people are. It was a good thing I had numbed myself up or I would be fainting all over the place right about now.

I got a bit fed up with the cable so I watched Jacob for a while. He slept so soundly. He was huge. He cut his hair again. Unlike Jasper he looked amazing, but I could tell that he had been up for a very long time. He had these huge purple bags under his eyes and the lower half of his face looked incredibly scruffy as if he hadn't shaved in a week.

I let him rest for an hour or so until the stupid pink nurse started clanging things and checking meters and he began to stir. "Jake?" His eyes snapped open and he was sitting beside me in a matter of seconds.

"Hey." He whispered, obviously worried that I was still in pain. "How are you feeling?" As he sidled up toward me I felt that well-known warmth he carried with him everywhere. I let down my guard and my body rushed with heat as he smiled at me and stroked my cheek, making me feel as if nothing had happened. I was so glad he was here; there was nothing I needed more than my best friend.

"Better." I smiled and he gave a large sigh of relief. "How are _you_ feeling? You look like shit." I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled his head to my chest, stroking his hair as his arms snaked around my waist carefully.

"Babe, I feel like shit." Babe? Who the hell did he think he was calling babe? He laughed and then lifted his head to look at me. He looked a bit more serious and I figured it was time to talk. So I let the babe go unnoticed, for now.

Now, I could joke all I wanted, but to be perfectly honest, I was scared out of my mind, and talking about it only reminded me how scared I was. The monitor began to pick up speed and before I could even register that I was getting worked up, I began to breathe slowly to calm down.

Once the moment passed, I pressed a hand against my forehead and felt that little snap of cold metal. I had completely forgotten. Jasper didn't say I was married did he? Which brought up a plethora of questions no one had the courtesy to answer for me. Was the apartment I was moving into 'our' apartment? Was I married to Jake? Where was Edward?

"Jasper told me you don't remember anything since we jumped off of that cliff a while back." He fingered the ring and looked back up. It was like he knew what I was thinking, which is quite possible for his pack, but not usually possible for me. "I should probably explain some things… maybe they will jog your memory. We aren't married or anything… I wanted to but you were worried about me imprinting and you didn't want me to be tied down when it happened." I could trust that. It seemed like a very logical Bellaism. I just couldn't believe I was with him, I mean, we were best friends. Sure I loved him, but I know for damn sure I was not in love with him. How much had changed these five years? Had some strange twist of fate torn my devotion from Edward and scotch taped it to Jacob?

"Were we moving things into our apartment?"

"Yes." Jasper peeked in for a moment and gave me my results. I was clean and could leave tomorrow. Thank God. I could eat regular food, and sleep in a real bed, and stay asleep for the entire night without the fear of a grouchy nurse clattering around checking vitals and whatever other nurse stuff they felt was necessary at 3 in the morning.

"So when did Jasper come back? Is Alice with him?" His face began to brighten a little bit. I was glad, I needed to take a break from the mind boggling serious discussions and hear some good news.

"That's actually why Jasper is here. She based her clothing line out of Seattle. She's been here on and off. Not since you've been awake though because she has a show in a few days in Europe. She was really distraught to hear that you couldn't go." I laughed picturing the tiny little fairy running around the hospital searching for different pillows and a more fashionable paper gown because mine was just too bland. "I swear she was going to pick you up from the hospital and stick you on the plane but there are all sorts of conditions with concussions, collapsed lungs and air travel."

"I can only imagine what she's said to these people around here. I bet she almost died at the crimes of fashion these people's fluorescent scrubs are committing. Speaking of Cullens… where is everyone else?"

He grew silent for a minute and then put on a fake, but generous smile. "Edward is here in town. He came back shortly after Alice and Jasper arrived. Emmett and Rosalie are with Carlisle and Esme somewhere in Canada, but they come down for holidays." My body grew numb again. So, Edward had been in Seattle for a while, but we never got back together. I really fell in love with Jacob. The room picked up speed and I shut my eyes for a moment to regain my thoughts and feeling.

"And Charlie?" Jacob pulled himself on to the bed next to me and held a hand in his while he wrapped his free arm around my shoulders, careful not to make contact with the gash near my neck.

"He's fine. He flew up here a week ago to see you, but he had to get back to Forks. He's still Chief of Police so he had work to do." Finally, something had not changed at all. You could always count on Charlie to be the constant variable when everything else in the world was being mixed up and discombobulated.

"And how is Renee. Is she still with Phil?"

"Yep. Phil got traded to a team in Texas after about a year in Phoenix and played until about last year when he traded in his cap for a microphone." I was surprised.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, he had to have rotator cuff surgery about three years ago and after he finished the rehab on his shoulder he decided he wanted to settle down a little bit. Now he is the announcer at most of the sporting events in Dallas. Except the Cowboys, but he's been working on it." Sadly, the surgery didn't come as a surprise to me. Call me clairvoyant, but I swear I knew that would happen someday with all of that pitching.

"I knew it. He should have stuck to first base." Jacob laughed and kissed my cheek.

"That's exactly what you said when we went down there to visit him. You really gave it to him." I was glad to hear that at least three years ago I was virtually still somewhat the same as I had been at 18, but I knew that wouldn't be the case for all of the stories. Anything can happen in five years, and judging by the fact that I was so close to Jacob in ways I never would have even dreamt up all those years ago. Something was terribly different. And I was frightened of the new me.

"Jake, do you think we can pick this back up later. I'm feeling like I need a nap before we continue this conversation." He nodded and kissed my forehead while I closed my eyes and rested my head on his chest.

I really couldn't help myself; secretly I pretended he was Edward, that the heat was actually the icy chest I had worshipped so many nights prior to this one. How could I forget my Phil's career change and remember the way Edward's skin cooled my feverish gash on my birthday. How he laughed when I started gagging the first time he carried me through the woods while he ran. What it felt like to have his eyes on me, burning into my back in the cafeteria or staring into my soul as I glanced toward him out of the corner of my eye in Bio. I could recall every encounter with Edward before he left, but I couldn't remember graduating from college or the day Jacob put this ring on my finger. I opened my eyes the tiniest bit and studied the scar on my upper arm.

I hated myself for forgetting. So I made myself a promise I was absolutely sure I would keep. I would find a way to remember; even if that meant betraying my feelings for Edward and staying close to Jake. I would do it, and I would crush this unrelenting fear of what I had become, because I had to. I owed it to everyone, but mostly to myself.

**********

I woke up a couple of hours later by some fierce noises being generated by my stomach. I was starving. If I lifted up the covers I was probably bloating up like a little African kid in those infomercials with Laurie Metcalf. Those were brutal. Not only am I depressed by the fact that the poor kids were dying; I am also depressed because whenever I see that woman all I can think of is "Roseanne"… what a crappy show. Jacob shifted beside me and I noticed that he too was awake… he probably heard the noises coming from my abdomen and was worried that the kid from "The Omen" was about to create his own version of a C-section and "Alien" his way out of my stomach.

"Hungry?" He laughed and I slapped him in the chest before demanding Frosted Cheerios and a Diet Coke.

Not five minutes after Jacob left, someone ran into the room shoving the door out of their way, causing a ruckus.

"Bella!" I knew the voice. It may have been frantic, but I knew it all too well. I opened my eyes and looked straight into his. I wanted to stand up and throw my arms around him but a sharp pain in my chest kept me from achieving that goal. I clutched my side and he ran over and sat on the bed beside me.

My head was reeling. He was here, touching my arms, covering me with his frosty heat. I wanted nothing more than to wake up right now and find myself back in my bedroom in Forks. Edward would be lying next to me, watching me sleep while Charlie slept soundly in his room; none the wiser as to what was building in my heart only a bathroom and a couple of walls away.

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**There you have it. Let the mystery begin.**

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	3. My House or Yours?

**A/N: I am fixing a typo from the last chapter. Bella is 23… she graduated one year ago when she was 22. Yes, she graduated a year early instead of 4 years early… imagine that.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie owns this shit. Sucks for me.**

Chapter Two

His gentle arms clothed me in icy heat as his sweet breath tickled the hairs on my neck that weren't restrained by bandages.

"You gave me quite a scare, little Bella." He whispered against my ear before his nose nuzzled deeply in the crook of my neck, no doubt feeling my heart skip a beat when his granite lips met my thin sheet of skin. "I thought you said no more accidents." Tears welled up in my eyes and spilled over my lids before I could control them. I guess I didn't have the strength after everything he's put me through. He hadn't been here five minutes and he was already lecturing me on my clumsiness. "You promised."

"What? Just like you promised that I would never see you again? That I would feel like you never existed?" He pushed back to study my expression, as if desperately trying to read my mind. "Well, some people lie, Edward."

"That was a long time ago, Bella." It was obvious at that moment that no matter how hard I tried, I wasn't going to wake up from this nightmare.

"Well, then how come it hurts like it only happened yesterday?" I shouted and tried desperately to shove him off of the bed. Computers and TV screens were beeping all around me telling me I should feel searing pain in every inch of my body, but it only hurt in my heart. How could he have left me and expected me to forget it all the second he walked back into my life? He was only a fucking century old. There is no way he could be that naïve.

I glanced at him through my tears and looked deeply into his eyes seeing hurt and despair. It was exactly how I felt when he left me in the woods all those years ago. "Bella, why are you doing this?" His voice cracked a bit as he spoke. "We've talked about this over and over again. I had to! You said you understood. I couldn't endanger the life of the thing I love most, and when it was safe again I came back to you."

"Well, I can't fucking remember discussing this!" I threw one of my pillows towards his head in an act of desperation. Maybe causing him enough pain would help me remember everything I had forgotten. I felt like I was going crazy, and maybe I was. The horrified expression on Edward's face suggested that maybe I should be tied up for a few years and handed a healthy dose of shock therapy.

Suddenly a group of nurses came trotting into the room, checking meters and sticking needles into my arm, turning the world around me into a fuzzy mess. Right before I was knocked out I noticed a big burly mass, probably Jacob, pulling Edward out of the room. So I fell back into deep sleep comforted by the fact that one thing had definitely never changed, Jacob. He was always my rock, the one thing that looked out for me no matter how many vampires lunged at me. He would always be here.

**********

"Okay, I think you are good to go." Jasper flicked his tiny flashlight back and forth in front of my eyes a few more times before smiling and standing up. "You've made a lot of progress in the past week and I see no reason why you shouldn't go home and get some rest… maybe look at a few old pictures and get that memory up to speed again."

"I only hope it will be that easy." I sighed, as Jacob helped me into the wheelchair.

"Now, today is… Thursday, in about three days I would like to switch you over to crutches and some light walking and then in about a week or so we can get a boot on that leg." I nodded in false agreement. After about four broken legs alone I had become a pro at the rehabilitation process… Knowing how badly crutches and I got along, I guessed that I would be in a boot before noon on Monday. Jasper turned to Jake and began reeling out symptoms. "For the next few months she will experience severe mood swings that will grow tamer with time, her equilibrium will be off drastically so keep an eye on that, and obviously some memory loss."

"How long do you think it will take for me to remember?" I begged. "Are you sure there isn't some pill I can take to induce memory."

"No, but if someone invents it, you will be the first to know." He laughed a little and then said his goodbyes as his name rang through the loud speakers.

"Well, I guess we should get going." Jacob sighed. I nodded and held one of his wrists in my hand as he wheeled me through a maze of hallways and elevators. I could feel his heartbeat. It was steady and strong, and it gave me the strength to hold on to what little sanity I had left as he loaded me into a strange car and drove me to an unfamiliar apartment. We rode the elevator up to the eighth floor before we exited. "Here we are… #801." Something in my chest hummed a little bit, reminding me that somewhere deep inside I knew all of these things.

The apartment was gorgeous. It was rustic and modern at the same time, a scheme I enjoyed very much. I could tell that I had probably picked out every piece of furniture that was in the space… until I saw the clear dining chairs.

"I knew you hated them!" Jacob pointed an accusing finger at me as I grimaced.

"Did you pick them out?" I laughed.

"You told me you loved them." He threw himself onto the nearest couch and stared out the window, pouting.

I walked over to where he was and sat on his legs, looking at the amazing view of Seattle. You could see the entire skyline, and in the background Mt. St. Helens stood tall… and menacing. The only thing I could think about when I looked at it was the video we watched in eighth grade about how it exploded and killed 57 people.

The first time I had noticed its menacing looks was the last day I had seen the Seattle skyline.

*****Flashback*****

I looked out the slightly damp window as we made our descent. Seattle was really amazing. It was like none of the rain mattered. I could live here simply for the view. I think it was mostly due to that huge needle building. I've always wanted to go up to the top of that thing. You can go up to the top right? Who knows?

I guess it also has to do with the combination of space needle and Mt. St. Helens. Yeah, it was the contrast of the looming volcano with the sharpness of the needle.

It really was a beautiful sight.

If I hadn't been so afraid of being engulfed in lava or smashed by an exploding side then I probably would have chosen Washington University instead of Dartmouth. Charlie would have liked it if I stayed close, after all those years of being separated. I guess I could apply to both… in case I change my mind.

**********

"What happened with college? What happened to graduate school?" Jake looked out the window as a small rain shower began to build.

"Well, after you graduated last year, you applied for graduate school and were waitlisted."

"WHAT?" That couldn't be right. Nothing like that had ever happened to me before. I was always completely prepared.

"No, it's not what you think. You certainly could have gotten in, but you really didn't put your heart into it. Your professors saw that too. So you had a long talk with your advisor and you decided to wait a year for you to figure things out. That's when you moved back here and almost immediately landed on Washington University for graduate school. You've finished a year of it… right now you are taking a year off because of certain events that caused you to forget all of your recent learnings." I laughed at his sarcastic tone and eased backward, rolling off of his legs until I met couch. "This is all going to be so frustrating. I'm apologizing in advance for my bottled angst."

"What do you mean?"

"Bella, you have forgotten ever turning to the side of the light. You have forgotten the moment you realized I was the one for you instead of that bloodsucker. So, now we're back to the infatuation with no reciprocation." He reached out to hold my hand and I let him for a few moments. It was… okay… nothing like the feeling I got when Edward held my hand. It was just a hot paw. As I sat there enduring the discomfort of my hand, I came to a certain realization. I had chosen Jake to goad Edward. I didn't know whether that was true or not, but it sure felt like it.

"So… I saw Edward." Jacob's face contorted with anger.

"I know." He growled. Apparently his hatred for vampires, namely one's named Edward Cullen, hadn't changed a bit. "I'd rather not talk about him… ever."

"Jake, I don't think that is an option." I let out a sigh and began my monologue. "I know that it is possible that I could have loved you." I tore my hand from Jake's and glanced out the window at the torrential downpour. "But the fact that Edward came back… It confuses me. I thought that you could give me all of the answers, but now I'm not so sure. I don't mean to hurt your feelings, but Edward came back. I would thought that I would choose him. I think he knows better than anyone why I didn't. So, I need to just talk things over with him… I have a feeling it could help me remember."

Jake let out a long drawn out sigh and smoothed over his eyes with his palms before pinching the bridge of his nose. He settled back into place with a new sadness clouding his eyes. He looked like a cute little puppy that was sent outside after it peed on the carpet. Okay, that wasn't the best analogy, but it was true.

"Fine." He stood up and went into the kitchen, removing a beer from the fridge. "But you need to realize that you are committed to me. I won't have you going back to him like last time. You're mine."

"Last time?" My ears perked up with curiosity.

Jacob stood up straight and took another swig of his beer before setting it down and exiting into the nearest hallway. "Look who it is." He cooed as he opened a door. A soft jingling sounded from another room and the faint pitter pat of nails on the floor grew nearer and nearer to where I was sitting now. I looked toward hallway to see a wrinkly mess running towards me.

We had a basset hound… we had a really fat smelly basset hound. That couldn't be right. It only had half a tail. Then it did the grossest thing I have ever seen in my life. It threw up a little bit of water onto the floor, right at my feet… and licked my leg. I almost vomited myself.

"Woah, someone missed you. Throwing up already." Jacob laughed as he patted 'it's' head before running to the kitchen to grab some paper towels. So the vomiting was a regular thing… awesome.

I forced some laughter as the stumpy thing howled. "What is his name?" Its tail was whipping about and its folds exposed two blood red eyes as it yelped and barked. How could I have let this happen? Not only did I dislike clear puke, I really didn't like the horrible yelps that this thing was emiting.

"It's a she… and her name is Ruby." As if it couldn't get any worse. Ruby. Ruby. Ruby. Nope I hated that name. "I adopted her from a shelter last year and gave her to you for Christmas." Jake was beaming as he leaned over and began batting around the dog's face, sending it into a frenzy. It began running around whimpering and running into walls while Jake chased it.

With all of the running and howling I was beginning to get a rather large migraine. So I quietly told Jake I would be taking a nap. He pointed me to our room and I walked in staring at the furniture. It was pretty. It all looked fairly new. There was a large four poster bed with all kinds of throw pillows in browns, golds, and reds. I should have been very impressed, but when I laid down there was not sunken ditch in the mattress from years of use. There wasn't a fluffy purple comforter that Charlie bought me all by himself. But the most depressing of all, there was no cold, pensive Edward staring at the ceiling as a form of restraint as he swallowed the venom collecting in his throat.

**********

It was like I was in the hospital all over again. Every time I fell asleep something would wake me up seconds later. When I tried to nap Ruby tried to wake me up by licking, barking, and clawing. When I tried to sleep Jake made the bed all hot with his high body temperature, not to mention he kept growling and panting in his sleep. I could see why he and Ruby got along so well… they're both dogs. Then I came to the realization that I was in a relationship with a dog. Literally. It was kind of funny… in a sad way.

The next couple of days I was stuck in the house, rummaging through my old college notebooks and pictures from parties and weddings. I was a bridesmaid in three weddings, one was Angela and Ben's and the others were a mystery to me.

I found out that I had a rough topic for my dissertation, and I have to admit… it was awesome. I had no idea what it was about… but it was awesome. It was something about man's inner monster manifested into characters such as Frankenstein and Dracula. It was all about comparing the monster itself to the author's life and to the main characters life. I would probably need to read Dracula at some point.

**********

I got my boot even earlier than I had expected. By Saturday Jasper had decided to take pity on me and relieve me of my crutches on the grounds that I could break another bone if I kept fooling with the crutches.

Jacob tried to kiss me that day. I gave him the cheek. I could sense his building frustration with my memory loss, but I didn't know what else he wanted me to do. I had tried everything! I actually had kissed him one day… nothing… I couldn't imagine I actually enjoyed kissing his squishy human lips after connecting with the stone-cold granite of Edward. I was growing tired of trying to please Jacob, and I knew at some point I would have to throw him out of his comfort zone to let me meet with Edward… but I would have to be subtle about it and make him think it was his idea.

That night I made him my famous lasagna, and he sat down to watch Monday Night Football. It was the perfect time to set my plan into motion. Operation Make Jacob Comfortable With the Fact That I am Meeting With Edward… Operation MJCWFTIMWE. At least my ability to create meaningless acronyms had not been affected the accident.

"So Jacob, I'm getting kind of antsy. I feel like I should be remembering a few things by now." He grunted and shoveled another bite of lasagna into his mouth. He kind of reminded me of Charlie.

"I was thinking, maybe I should venture away from the apartment a little… see if anything else in the city will help." Another grunt… My plan had failed. I had forgotten that football overshadows everything in the outside world. I needed to regroup.

"I'm going to see Edward tomorrow. Where does he live?" Jacob dropped the fork onto his plate as his mouth hung open in disbelief.

"No." He picked the plate back up and began eating again.

"Yes." I stated firmly. He looked at me and glared a little bit. A low growl rumbled from his chest. "You don't scare me."

"Isabella, no." He raised his voice significantly and I heard Ruby whimper in the background.

"Yes, Jacob." We both stood and glared at each other; daring the other to make the first move.

"God DAMN IT. No! You saw what happened in the hospital! They had to sedate you. I'm not letting you go near him." That was a lie. I could see right through his little charade. Something else was keeping him from allowing me to go freely.

"Why don't you want me to see him, Jake?" I asked in a softer tone.

"I just told you!"

"No you didn't. That was a complete lie. What is going on? Are you still afraid he's going to bite me, because after the first couple of years of devotion I think he pretty much made it clear that was the last thing he wanted."

"Fine! Go then! He lives on the corner. Oh, that's right… you don't remember. When we started looking for a house, you and Alice picked this condo out and didn't tell me that it happened to be four buildings down from Count Edward!" He sat back down with a big thud and picked up the plate. Then he just sat and ate. He looked like a child.

I didn't sleep much that night. Ruby threw up on the comforter.

**********

I walked down to Edward's apartment with the directions Jasper had given me over the phone. The building was rather modern looking, which I liked, and Edward even had his own door, due to the fact that it wasn't a condo style apartment.

I rang the doorbell and was met with a cute little yipping noise. I could hear Edward approaching the door and the noise quieted a bit, and he cooed a little bit.

"Bella?" His voice cracked. I assumed he had peeked through the peephole in the door. The door swung open and the barking went out of control. For a man who got absolutely no sleep, he always looked perfect… maybe it was the whole vampire thing, but I was positive there was another secret to his success.

"Hey. I was just in the neighborhood." He let out a small chuckle and then reached down to pick up the feisty little puppy at his feet.

It was the most precious puppy I had ever seen in my life. She had big curly black ears and a white little snout. For the most part her coat was swirled with black and white, but a few smatterings of tan surrounded its eyes and back.

Edward smiled and held her out to me as she wriggled and writhed. I swear, she looked me straight in the eye and smiled, and I instantly reached out. She jumped into my arms and began pawing at my chest and licking my face.

"Hey there." I squealed in a baby-talk voice. She whimpered in reply and shook her tail so hard that her entire butt was wagging. "Who's a good girl?" _Wait. Is she a girl?_ I snuck a peak and saw no male genetalia to speak of.

Edward opened the door wider and pulled me inside and led me through the little foyer into a large room. It was so open and airy, completely Edward's style. The kitchen opened up to the massive living room, complete with a piano and there was even a set of stairs off to the side, suggesting that his apartment had two floors.

"I'm really happy to see you." I smiled as Edward took the puppy from my hands and dropped her onto the floor where she immediately scratched at my legs begging me to pick her up again. It was odd. I had never really been one of those people that dogs flocked to. I took that back. I was with Jake so I really had no room to talk. "So, why are you here?"

"I wanted to talk to you." I walked over to the window, looking out at the street. "And I needed to get out of that condo."

"Is Ruby still there?" Edward stated the name dramatically.

"Yes. That dog is disgusting." I looked back down at my feet and saw the tiny little spaniel sitting on its hind legs waving its paws at me. "Not like you. Isn't that right." The dog gave a little yelp in agreement and I picked her up again. "Good girl, Violet."

I didn't even realize I had done anything until Edward reacted. He ran over and wrapped his arms around me tightly. "You remember!"

I placed Violet on the floor and folded myself into his embrace. I didn't want to ruin the moment by telling him the dog's name was the only thing I remembered. I still didn't know where it came from or why it was so attached to me, but the fact that I had known the name gave me hope.

After all of those days going through pictures and reading notebooks and Edward's dog's name was the first thing I legitimately remembered since my accident.

Edward let go of me too quickly and led me over to the couch and we sat for a few minutes.

"I have no idea how I knew." His face fell a little bit. "I still don't remember everything.

"It's okay." He placed a gentle had on the base of my neck and laid a familiar kiss on my forehead. "You will. Just give it some time."

"But I went through my entire apartment… I went through every book, every picture, I even made myself kiss Jacob, and nothing!" Edward's eyes clouded over for a moment.

"You what?"

"I don't understand. What's wrong?" I placed a hand on his shoulder and he calmed down.

"I'm sorry, it's just… hard." I put another hand on the opposite shoulder and leaned in until our foreheads were touching. I could feel him smile as Violet yelped for attention, and he broke away to lift her onto the couch.

"Edward, how come, after all that you did, leaving me and trying to take away every memory I had of you… how can I still feel the same way I did the day you took me to the meadow." He pressed his hand to my cheek and chuckled a little bit.

"Because you are obsessed with me." I couldn't believe what I was feeling. I should have been furious and hurt but instead I shed a few tears of joy and let him dazzle me the way he always did. He rested his forehead against mine again and hummed a few measures of my lullaby.

That's when I began to lose control. My mouth plummeted forward tackling his lips as my hands wrestled their way into his bronze hair, tangling themselves deep in his roots. I pounded my lips into his, overcome with need and want and he replied with full force, wrapping his arms around my waist, pulling me closer to him. I moaned as he growled and pushed. We were like animals. Like wolves. Jacob. I pushed at his chest, knowing I didn't have the strength to move him, but the pressure would give him a hint.

"What about Jacob?" Edward didn't have to read my mind to sense what I was thinking. "Let me show you something." He grabbed my arm and led me upstairs to a doorway at the end of the hall. "Go in." He whispered from behind me.

I gently pushed the door open and looked inside.

"My bed." I sighed as I panned the room. My purple comforter was spread across the queen size bed. Around the room I saw all of my old things. My cactus from Phoenix sat on the window sill, my carpet was spread across the hardwood floor, my lamp and alarm clock were sitting on my bedside table, my desk with my tattered Austen book and Wuthering Heights stood on the opposite wall from the bed. I stepped in and saw that the blind wall held Edward's CD collection, and the chaise from his room in Forks sat in a corner. "What does this mean?"

* * *

**And the mystery continues. **

**I have posted all of the apartments and such on my profile and also a picture of both dogs... one is cuter than the other... haha **

**Please, REVIEW, I'm begging! I'm on my hands and knees... metaphorically speaking.**


	4. Say Waaaaat?

**I'm BAAAAAAAAAACK in all of my glory. I will probably be updating once a week if not twice at least until my 6 WEEK WINTER BREAK is over… seriously… long ass break. **

**P.S. I can only bring back one story for the time being… due to the fact that freshman year is a crazy time… and I like this one sooo much better… so Don't Go Changing will remain on hiatus for a bit longer.**

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight… but I own six pairs of black boots (4 are ankle boots)… beat that Mrs. Meyer, beat that!**

* * *

I didn't know whether to be concerned or highly flattered. He had all of my things. Sure, his CDs and his chaise were here, but seriously, all of my things from my room back in Forks.

I felt my head start to spin.

"What does this mean?" I asked Edward as he pushed a chocolate brown curl behind my ear.

"Well, I guess what it looks like."

The washing machine syndrome I was experiencing in my brain quickly spread to my arms and down my torso to my legs.

"So you're a freaky stalker who stole another man's woman's old furniture?" I tried to laugh off my worry and ward away the millions of questions that twirled mindlessly in my mind for as long as possible.

The feeling reminded me of when Edward would pull me onto his back and run insanely fast. All the information I was gathering flew past me at hyper speed and I began to feel that oh so familiar feeling twitching in my stomach.

So I did what came naturally in such situations. I ran for my fucking life and vomited skillfully right into the porcelain bowl.

… cute.

"Sick." I muttered, clutching my stomach in embarrassment while Edward rubbed circles on my back.

He laughed and stared at the floor a little, contemplating his next action. When he had finally decided he stood and grabbed a pink toothbrush from a cup by the sink and squeezed some toothpaste on it. I grabbed it when he offered and began brushing every inch of my mouth furiously.

"If I had a nickel for every time you puke in my presence." Edward chuckled as I spit out the excess toothpaste in my mouth before brushing a second time.

"Of course, you choose this moment to widen your pristine vocabulary."

"I'm sorry, vomit?"

"Shut up." I gurgled as I swished water around in my mouth.

******

"So are you going to explain yourself yet?" I asked as I sat next to Edward on his couch.

"It's hard to explain without giving everything away."

"What does that mean? I don't remember a thing since I was 18! Don't you think you could spill your secrets just this once?" I pleaded. He shook his head and stared down at hands folded in his lap. "Why?" I didn't have to go on, he knew what I meant.

"Because it's something you should figure out on your own… and if you never do, then I guess that's fate's way of saying it wasn't meant to be." A frown began to pull at the edges of his mouth, so he picked Violet up off of the floor to distract himself.

"Is that really how you feel? You think that if I don't figure it out that we should never be together again." I began to quack with anger toward his incompetence. Sometimes the moody, brooding act got seriously old, especially during stressful times like this where all you need is a little bit of hopeful news. "So, say I don't remember. Can you let me go? I thought you cared more for me. You can just throw me away like that when it isn't even my fault."

"That's not what I mean, Isabella, and you know that!"

"Well, that's how it sounds to me! Do you think I wanted to forget! You think I want the last memory I have of you be that moment in the woods when you cast me away… so easily… just left me in the woods." His face contorted in anger but he didn't speak.

Suddenly, everything flooded back, all of the hurt and anger all those year ago when he left. I still had so many unanswered questions about that. Now was as good a time as ever to get some answers.

"That's it isn't it. Just like last time. It was my fault I cut my finger. It was my fault Jasper attacked. It was my fault I cut open my arm. It was my fault you left. It was my fault I suffered for months wondering what you were doing, whether you were thinking about me, whether you cared about me anymore. I thought you were going to forget about me. It was supposed to be like I never met you. So, why are you here now!?!"

I was blind with rage and when I came to my bleary eyes gave way to Edward, curled into himself at the edge of the couch with his arms sprawled across his legs hiding his face as I stood over him shouting. He looked like a child, scared to look up because of what might be lurking around.

"Ironic. Now I'm the monster." I sputtered through my tears. I calmed myself down as best as I could and sat on the opposite side of the couch, crying tears of hurt and relief.

We sat for what seemed like hours, him cowering in his corner and me bawling in mine. I waited for him to say something, anything to redeem himself, but it seemed he couldn't make himself face me… so I waited patiently.

"Bella." He moaned from some space between his hands, pleading for something. Probably for me to remember so he wouldn't have to do this again. Who knows what he went through years ago when he decided to show up again.

Sometime after that he uncoiled from his position and stared at the wall opposite us with his hands laced together touching his perfectly proportioned lips. Lips I wanted nothing more to ravage, if only he hadn't gone and fucked up our life together.

"I _never_, for even a moment, blamed anyone but myself for what happened to us. It was the worst mistake I've ever made. I spent months feeling nothing. I left myself with you. Do you understand that feeling? Like you are hollow with no way to fill the void?" He gazed at me, his eyes pleading me to understand, not knowing that I knew very well what that felt like.

"You don't know just how well me and that feeling know each other. The only difference is that I was incapable of curing my ailment. You knew where I was. You could have come back, but you never did. You left me all alone, with no idea where you had gone. You disappeared and took everything with you; My picture, my song, my everything."

Edward launched himself to his knees grabbing my knees tightly, inevitably bruising them. Great, another thing for him to mentally kill himself over.

"How can you forgive me? I thought what I was doing was right. You weren't safe with me. You could have gotten killed that night with Jasper. I thought I was keeping you alive by leaving you. Bella, all I want is for you to forgive me! Once I thought you had, but then you ran off with that dog. What can I do? Please, tell me. I can't lose you again."

I had no idea what to say to him. How could I forgive someone who killed me? He hurt me in every way imaginable, broke me, tore my heart out and took it with him as a little souvenir of his conquest. If it was anyone else kneeling at my feet pleading that I forgive them for ruining my life, I would simply slap them across the face and call it a day, but not Edward. I still wanted him. I would want him even if only for the next second, because I needed him. Our souls were intertwined now and there was not tool strong enough to break the connection.

"Edward, I can." My face softened and his entire body relaxed. His grip abandoned my calves and grasped my waist and his head collapsed into my abdomen. I ran my fingers through that wildly blonde hair that captured my eye so many years ago.

Slowly I lifted his head to gaze into his eyes as I finished my thought.

"I can forgive you, but not right away. I love you, Edward, so much. Why can't I just quit you? I don't want to, but sometimes it is so much harder loving you."

"I'm so sorry, Bella." He would have cried if he could, I know. He began to back away from me, but I held tight to his hair and brought his face closer to mine.

"Make no mistake, Edward, I can forgive you… but you are going to have to work pretty damn hard to gain back my trust."

"Bella." He breathed, hinting a bit of irritation.

"How do I know you aren't going to leave again?"

He grabbed either side of my face and cradled it as he stared deeply into my eyes. "I won't." He uttered.

"You can say that all you want, but how can I know that?" He broke eye contact with me.

"I understand."

"I love you." I replied hopefully.

I pulled his hair forcing his face towards mine. He hesitated for a moment, tossing sweet scented breaths across my mouth.

"You have no idea…" Our lips met in a frenzied mess, both of us searching for control and losing it at the same time. His lips felt the same as I remembered. They were hard and cold against mine, but not unpleasant. They were perfect. He was perfect. I could forgive him. I had to. "I love you so much." He panted against jaw as he made his way down to my neck.

I pulled his face closer to my skin by instinct, as if that would make him take a quick bite. He laughed and grazed his venomous teeth over my skin, following with his tongue as if he was licking ice cream off of my neck. He was stronger.

"One of these days, Edward." I whispered, hoping he would understand.

"The day you decide to trust me." He chuckled, but I took it seriously. I would hide that little confession in my coat pocket and save it for a special day. "So what now?" He backed away from my neck and stood to sit next to me.

Gee, I hadn't thought about that while he was groping my waist and licking my neck.

"Well, I've been here for hours. I have to go." Edward gave a slight gasp in frustration and grabbed my arms.

"Where? No you don't. Why would you leave? Is it Jacob? Stay with me. You can leave him!" He begged, commanding my attention.

"Geez, Edward, jealous much? I have to go back to Jacob at some point or he might kill himself." Edward smirked at the word kill and I slapped him across the arm.

"Well, I had another idea." Of course he did. "I was thinking maybe you should spend some time away for a little while. You know, to work on your memory, of course."

"Your idea is for me to leave? Seriously?" I cocked a questioning look in his direction.

"Okay, credit where credit is due. Jasper suggested it to me the other day." He sighed.

"Doctor's orders, I guess I am forced to vacation." I laughed and Edward smiled brightly at my happiness. He was so easy to please sometimes.

"Well, where are you going to go?"

"I'm not sure… Hawaii?"

"Too many Asians." Edward expertly rebutted.

He spoke the truth though. They make me so angry sometimes! At least with French and Italian people you can kind of figure out what they are saying, but Asians speak that gibberish language that sounds like nothing and travel around flaunting their economically savvy smarts that allow them to travel the world.

"You're so right. England?"

"I can't allow you to go to a different country without my supervision." The fatherly Edward entered the conversation. At last, I was beginning to think he was permanently dormant.

"Phoenix?" I already knew the response to that one. He breathed in and out a few times, pinching the bridge of his nose while simultaneously running a hand through his curiously bronze hair. His darkened gaze proved my assumptions and he reached over to touch my forearms for emphasis.

"Never will you ever go back to that place, Isabella. Plus, Renee sold the house a while ago."

"That's it!" I shouted enthusiastically, startling Edward simultaneously. "My parents. Forks or Jackson, take your pick."

"Well, I guess if I had to choose, Forks is closest." I was too excited to realize that he was making my decisions for me, but I didn't care. I would go see Charlie.

"EDWARD! YOU ARE A GENIUS!" I jumped into his unprepared arms and caused him to topple over on the couch. "I can go see Charlie! He hasn't seen me since I woke up, it's perfect. Plus, that's where everything happened: you, Jake, the cliff, everything. If I go there I have to remember." I forcefully kissed Edward on the forehead and bounced up and down on his chest like a child on Christmas morning. Not that he was complaining at all, he held a stupid grin on his face all the while. "I have to go. I have to pack. I need a car. I'm leaving tomorrow!" I shouted, jumping onto the floor and running out of the room to gather my things from the floor of the bedroom.

When I came back to say goodbye to Edward he was on the couch with Violet playing a little game with her. He would stare at her for a few seconds and she would greedily jump up, trying to lick his face, but Edward would back up just before she reached her goal, laughing whenever she got agitated and barked. After a few tries, she gave up and settled for licking his fingers as he rubbed her tiny little stomach.

For a minute I wished I was Violet. I would spend my days running around without a care, doting on my master as he rewarded me with pats, kisses, and ruffles of my fur. Every time I did something that especially pleased him I would get treats and words of praise shouted with a smile. Best of all, I would be with Edward... just Edward. I could follow him anywhere he wanted to go, whether it was Seattle or a small Villa in France or Spain. I wouldn't have to worry about losing my memory or Jacob Black and his devil dog puking on my bedding.

"I guess you can borrow one of mine." He smiled, knowing he caught me ogling him.

I quickly shook my head, clearing my thoughts. "What?"

"You can borrow one of my cars." He pushed Violet out of his lap, letting her curl up against a throw pillow. "Just don't vomit in it."

"Such an idiot." Sarcasm dripped from my tongue as I smirked.

He laughed at me again, flashing me that crooked smile I loved so much, while gracefully walking toward me on his long legs, his pants lingering beneath his tee shirt across his pelvic bone I longed to wrap my legs around. I would have him. No matter what the cost. I had to. He was my life now and always would be.

"I love you." He whispered as kissed my forehead and buried his face in my hair drinking my scent as if it were blood. His arms wrapped around my shoulders tightly and I snaked my arms around his waist wishing I could stay there forever.

"I will be back." I promised

"Forever?" He hummed against my ear.

"No, to get you car tomorrow, idiot. I'm going to Forks." I giggled.

"Then forever?" He pleaded.

"Forever and ever and ever."

We stayed as we were for a moment, he soaking up my heat, and I soaking up his comforting cold.

I kissed him one last time tangling my fingers in his hair to tide me over, and I made my way out the door and walked back to my least favorite place in the world.

*************

**Woooooot. I trust that is a good start. I promise lemons are not far away you saucy minxes.**

**Leave me some lovin'!**


	5. Back to the Beginning

**Ooookay… so apparently I am incapable of adhering to a schedule. So I am throwing the schedule out and maybe the opposite will happen.**

**Oh… I'd like to give a shout-out to my super fantastic beta "Spell check on Microsoft Word"… you rock!**

**DISCLAIMER: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight... yay for her… boo for me.**

* * *

I quietly slipped out of the elevator and headed down the hall toward Jacob's condo, hoping that he was still at work and wouldn't catch on to my whereabouts.

"Where the hell have you been?" Damn. He emerged from the elevator just as I reached for the door.

"You know where I've been Jake." I stated matter-of-factly.

"Jesus Christ. You can't just leave well enough alone." Jake brushed past me as he entered the room, temporarily heating my upper arm as his elbow brushed against it. I'd grown sick of the heat. I was always sweaty in this place, sweaty in bed, sweaty on the couch, sweaty as he loomed over me in the kitchen desperate for food. I can't even count how many showers I take in one afternoon in this place.

I ran towards the thermostat cranking it all the way down to 60. "I can't take this fucking heat anymore!"

"What the hell is your problem?" He mumbled from the couch. "It's not like I can help being this hot all the time."

Then he started laughing and something inside me snapped and I freaked out, stomping as hard as I possibly could as I walked over and slapped him across the upper arm. I wanted so badly to walk into this place, pack all of my things and leave for good. I wanted to be back in Forks with Edward and Charlie going to high school and flirting with my lab partner and taking walks through the wood and lying in the meadow.

"You think this is funny!" I screamed at him throwing my jacket onto the ground and running into the bathroom cranking the shower on full blast at the coldest setting possible and dunked my head, face down, under the running water.

A few minutes later Jacob crept into the bathroom and sighed as he watched me drench my head and neck in icy water.

"You slapped me." He stated matter-of-factly.

"It didn't hurt." I gurgled from beneath the water.

"True. It didn't hurt physically, but it did symbolically." He sighed once more and threw a towel across my back. "I realize you're going through some mood swings due to your little memory predicament; but could we not do the whole slapping thing? Yelling is plenty."

I removed my head from spray of the shower and cut off the water and began toweling off my head.

"I'm going to Forks to see Charlie." I mumbled as I rung out my hair into the tub.

"That's probably for the best." Jacob agreed and rubbed his hand up and down my back. I shivered a bit and he backed up again. "I don't like seeing you like this." I shot him a questioning glare. "All freaking out and stuff. It's not like you."

"I don't know how else to be right now."

Jacob chuckled and took the towel from me, hanging it on the towel rack. "Well, I guess you better go pack. I'll get your suitcase." He smiled and left the room, walking down the hall before rummaging through a hall closet. His smile was so familiar, like the old Jake, the one I loved.

"Hey. We just had a moment there." I laughed as I followed after him.

"Yeah?" He asked from inside the closet.

He lifted a medium sized purple plastic suitcase out of the closet. "I was thinking earlier, how you haven't really been yourself lately. Not just yourself, like you forgot, but like yourself like your old self. And I was thinking I'm to blame for that. Not my fault entirely because you have amnesia and that is a little to blame, but you still remember your old self and if you aren't acting like that then I probably have a lot to do with it cuz we fight all the time." He laughed a little. "Did you understand any of that?" He rubbed the back of his neck nervously and set the suitcase down at my feet.

"Actually, I understood it completely." We both laughed and the mood lightened significantly from the dark depressing cloud that had been looming over us since I had awoken.

"Awesome, cuz I really wouldn't know how else to say it. Now, let's get you packed." He patted the suitcase and picked it up once more, practically floating to the bedroom.

A few hours and a big pan of lasagna later the packing was complete and Jake and I sat leisurely on the couch eating ourselves into an Italian oblivion while we watched the Mummy trilogy on FX.

"How badass would it be if I had the ability to dislodge my jaw and send a plague's worth of locusts toward my enemies?" Jacob joked.

"You already have the ability to change into a giant beastly wolf with super speed and massive strength at will… I think any more powers would just be unfair to all the other monsters in the world."

"Quite right. Okay, you can have that power." He chuckled tapping my head as if he was summoning the Gods to grant me the aforementioned ability.

"Wow, I'd have the boys lining the street to get a piece of me."

"Yeah, that could turn into a pretty awkward make-out session."

In a moment of stupidity I uttered the worst thing I could possibly reference at such a perfect friendly moment such as this one.

"I admire you, Jake. I think you are the only guy who would joke about his fiancé making out with other guys."

A fork hit a plate. A gasp left both of our mouths. Silence fell over the room. Well, except for the sound of the television, the rain, and the dog snorting like a pig.

"I'm sorry." I pleaded as I pressed my face into my palms.

"It's okay. We should be able to joke about it… you know, or at least talk about it." He removed my hands from my face and placed them in my lap.

"It's weird for me." His face flashed with hurt and I quickly repaired my comment. "I mean… because I don't remember. I just remember you as a friend."

"I understand. Maybe when you remember we should talk about it. Until then it's kind of a moot point." He smiled through his struggle.

"Thanks Jake." I leaned over and hugged him.

"For what." He laughed.

"For being you… finally. I missed you."

"So… you never told me how Edward was today."

"He was good. He actually suggested the whole going back to Forks thing." Jake quickly lifted himself off of the couch and grabbed our finished plates. "He tried to talk to me about him coming back after leaving and re-apologizing… but I really think it would be emotionally easier for both of us if I just remembered… it was obviously hard for him to revisit that time."

"Sounds about right. I wouldn't want to relive all those months I watched you suffer while he went off gallivanting around the world." He scoffed walking out of the kitchen and plopping back down on the couch while the last movie started. "Hey, I had an idea." Jake quickly changed the subject to lighten the mood.

"And what idea would that be?"

"Well, my dad has been bugging me for months to come down to Forks and hang out on the Rez and fish… you know how we do. So, I was wondering if maybe you could hold off a day or two and I could drive you down to Forks." I looked at him skeptically. The last thing I wanted was to have him following me around everywhere. "I know what you're thinking… I promise I will stay out of your hair. I got too much to do anyway."

"Oh yeah… and what is it that will occupy all of your time."

"Quil, Embry, Sam, fishing, maybe a camping trip. Would you like a schedule, milady." He chuckled as Brendan Fraser screamed like a little girl about something or other.

It really didn't sound like a bad idea. I hadn't really taken into account that the Rez boys were still down there and I was sure if Jacob gave me any trouble any of the boys would be happy to keep him at bay.

***************************2 days later********************************

8:00 AM: "Wake up… Wake up… WAKE UPPPPP!" Jake plopped something on top of me and within seconds snorting echoed through my ears and I screamed, jumping up faster than a… kangaroo? A fly when you try to smack it? A rabbit? Take your pick. I hate that dog.

"Let us make our way to the door fair maiden and we shall embark on our long awaited journey to the land of Forks… home to thy father and wicked step-mother."

"You are such an idiot." I laughed pitching a pillow at his head as he left the room to grab our bags.

He halted as the pillow made contact with his occipital lobe and threw the bags down grabbing the pillow as it lay lifelessly on the floor.

"You dare to mock the courtesy of such a formidable lad as I? Then I shall make you to rue such an action, wench!" He ran over and stuffed the pillow in my face actively cutting off all use of my mouth as he tickled me. Then just as quickly as it started he turned on his heels and gracefully picked up the bags, leaving the room.

"Wench? I thought I was a fair maiden!" I called after him as I changed my clothing.

"That was before you decided to chunk a pillow at my skull." He called from the doorway. "I'll be in the car… hurry up!!!"

*****************************about 3 hrs. Later ********************************

I was standing outside of Jake's truck staring at the old white house I had grown to love more than almost anywhere I had ever been… which wasn't too many places… but it beat Phoenix, even with all the rain and snow.

I noticed that the trusty police cruiser was not in its normal yard space… but then again I had not given Charlie any notice of my arrival until yesterday afternoon.

Jake helped me by lugging my suitcase up the stairs and with a hug and an awkward kiss on the cheek I sent him on his way and sat in my old bedroom pondering my thoughts. Until I heard a lock click and someone patter about downstairs. It couldn't have been Charlie, because he didn't get off until six on weekdays. So I quietly slipped out of my room with the bat Edward had lent me after one of the famous Cullen family baseball games to find whoever had decided to break into the house.

Once I got to the base of the stairs I turned the corner to the den and let out a giant screech as I ran for whoever was in the kitchen.

"BELLA?" The perpetrator screamed as she held her hands out in front of herself for protection.

I froze where I was, which was right behind the couch with a bat held over my head in preparation to beat down a burglar. What the hell was Sue Clearwater doing in my dad's house? So I decided to ask her.

"Sue… what the hell are you doing here? You scared me to death." I panted letting my arms drop and throwing the bat onto the couch.

"I can explain that… You probably don't remember but, your dad and I have been seeing each other for a few years." This was the perfect time for the classic cartoonish "what the fuck?" face. My dad, Chief Swan was seeing Sue Clearwater. This was going to be a process.

A quick "Wow" was all I could muster.

"Well, umm… Your dad should be home in a couple of hours… he has someone covering for him so he can leave early." She twirled a rag in between her fingers while she looked back at a small gathering of dirty dishes on the counter. "Do you want some lunch?" She tried to laugh off a bit of discomfort we were both experiencing. I was probably the reason for the tense environment. It was just so weird. My dad and Sue Clearwater. I guess Seth would be kind of like my brother if they got married… and Leah. I hated Leah. I remember that very well. She always had it out for me because I was close with Jake. Big whoop, it's not like he liked her at all… he didn't imprint on her.

Then again he didn't imprint on me as far as I know. That's something to think about.

"That sounds great." She smiled and let out a long exhale and turned toward the pantry. "I'm really glad my dad found you. As far as I can remember he was getting a bit pathetic."

"Thanks Bella. That means a lot." I could hear the smile in her voice as she took some bread out of its packaging and began arranging sandwiches for us.

* * *

Charlie eventually made it home and after some R&R in my room, gathering my thoughts, we headed out to the old diner where the two of us used to eat at least twice a week. Steak and cobbler. Same old dad. It was nice to still have a little stability.

"Bella?" A small voice called from across the diner. I turned to see Angela sitting at a table with Ben.

"Angela? Oh my God!" I rushed toward her end of the restaurant, leaving Charlie and Sue to find a table.

Ben stood and helped her out of her chair, revealing a rather large bump where her belly should have been.

"Bella, I haven't seen you in forever, how are you?" She squealed as I hugged her and glanced toward her stomach and back at Ben, who blushed.

"How am I? How are you? You're having a baby!?"

"It would appear so." She laughed, adjusting her black framed glasses. "It's a girl! I'm about 8 months, so I'm ready to get this thing out of me."

"That's amazing! I can't believe this. I'm so happy for both of you." Angela was teetering a bit and I begged her to take a seat. She agreed but only if I would stay for a little while longer so she could hear all about the big city.

"So… Jacob Black? I heard you two were engaged. How is that going?" She asked sweetly, but I could tell she was not completely in favor of my choice. She had always like Edward for me, even if Jessica almost murdered her over it.

"It's good." I lied.

"I have to be honest. When Edward came back I was sure you were going to marry him straight away… Then you showed up at the wedding last year with Jake and…" She stared off into space for a few moments that returned when Ben tapped her shoulder. "Sorry, my attention span has been less that short lately… Too much going on down here!" She laughed and patted her stomach.

I went ahead and assumed that the wedding was between Angela and Ben, noticing the rings on each of their fingers. I wished I could remember their wedding day. I bet it was intimate and small, in the small white chapel on the outskirts of town where she had told me her parents were married. I could see flowers that were white and lilac… purple was her favorite color.

_Her dress was long sleeved and completely lace with a strapless underlay. She had always been beautiful in her own quirky way, but today she was stunning. But what I loved most about her outfit was that she kept her glasses on. We had been debating it since the beginning of the day and finally she decided to keep them on. Her face glowed in a way no makeup could mimic and her black hair fell in soft waves, framing her face and cascading down the back of her dress._

_Someone was off the side playing the violin and Edward sat solemnly in the corner playing the piano. I tore my eyes away from Angela to find him glancing toward me as I made my way down the center aisle, carrying Angela's train. I smiled back coyly but quickly so Jake wouldn't catch me. _

_I wasn't happy about my dress because it was strapless and fell down occasionally because I had lost some weight since the fitting. I did however love the color, navy blue. It was synched in at the waist and fell an inch or so past my knee, which I was comfortable with, but someone had forced me to wear a ridiculous pair of pewter pumps with a rather tall heel. I had to practice walking in them all week so I wouldn't fall during the middle of the wedding._

"Bella?" I returned to the Diner to find Angela waving her hand in my face. "You okay?" She asked, gazing deeply into my eyes.

"Yes. I'm fine." I turned to see Charlie and Sue ordering. "Well, I better get back to my Dad; but I'm going to call you later. We can catch up later this week sometime?"

"That sounds great! It's so good to see you Bella; Forks never felt the same after you left." She touched my hand, knowing she couldn't get up again to hug me. I said bye to Ben and drifted over to order my dinner.

I couldn't believe it. Only one day back in this town and I was remembering things.

* * *

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	6. Tainted Love

**Forgive me for my sporadic posting. I'm very sorry. ****Good news though, this is a chapter! Woot.**

**P.S. I promise I'll be better. It's summer!**

Charlie had steak and cobbler. Nothing had really changed…. except for the fact that there was another woman at the table.

I really do like Sue. She's really nice.

She's with my dad…. Sue and Charlie. Charlie and Sue. It sounded normal enough. So, why was I feeling a bit irked by their relationship?

I'm not mad. I'm not even angry in the least bit. Just a little annoyed? No, not annoyed… I think the perfect description for how I feel right now is "weirded out of my mind". I mean, this was Charlie. My police chief father whose idea of a romantic evening was sitting on the sectional sofa watching the game and having some good ole' Vitamin R. Charlie doesn't know anything about girls. Example number one, Renee. Example number two, me! I just didn't understand how a man so socially bereft could land a classy woman like Sue Clearwater. It was boggling, and to be honest, along with the memory loss, thinking about what they do when I'm not around was giving me a mean case of the stomach grumbles.

I silently slid my pie to the side of the table; having only slightly tampered with the basket weaved crust.

"Bella-"

"Yes?" I asked; trying my very hardest to keep a seemingly genuine smile plastered on my face.

"I'm so sorry." She looked down at her cheesecake and slowly scraped the end of her fork against the edges creating little ribbons of filling. "This is not how I wanted you to find out… by any means."

As much as the whole situation nauseated me, I felt bad for Sue. She and Charlie had already sorted out everything with me… no doubt they had dealt with me being uncomfortable with the situation… I had to go and mess everything up by forgetting nearly a decade of my life. It was laughable really. I mean… this is like the fucking Matrix. Everyone knows what is going on except for me. I'm like some freaking glitch.

"Something funny, Bells?" Charlie looked stern. He couldn't scold me anymore, but he was still scary as Hell when he was angry.

"No! I was laughing at myself." They both looked quizzically at me. "I was just thinking about how you two had probably already dealt with all of this shock, I'm feeling right now, but you're still treating it like this whole concept is brand new… when in actuality I should have already known that you two were together." They didn't understand the humor; which wasn't too surprising seeing as how I was making absolutely no sense. I wasn't being coherent and I knew it. "I just feel at fault here. I hate not being able to remember… especially now."

"No, Bella. It's not your fault. It's no one's fault!" Sue rubbed reassuring circles against my back trying to calm me down, but achieving the opposite effect.

"Now wait a minute, Sue." Charlie interrupted her and stared me down furiously. "She's right." Sue looked a bit taken aback, and to say I was surprised would be a complete understatement. "Don't look so shocked Isabella. You're right. It is your fault. Now, I'm sorry you can't remember what has happened, but that gives you absolutely no right to sit at this table with that sickeningly sour face and push your food around the plate to humor me. I know you remember your childhood, but your mom and I sure as Hell did not raise a self-serving brat for a daughter." I felt like I had been slapped in the face as he ranted. "What happens if you never remember Bella? Are you going to keep moping around playing the 'pity me' card while we all cater to you?"

I couldn't believe he was saying these things to me. What if I never remember? That wasn't going to happen. I was going to remember… someday. Wasn't I?

"Charlie, you cannot say things like that to her right now." Sue scolded.

"Well, someone has to tell her! She's walking around like the center of the universe while she uproots everyone's lives. Just imagine how Jake feels! He can't even tell his own wife–"

"CHARLIE!" Sue gasped.

"WHAT?" I screamed, jumping from my seat and sending the chair clattering to the ground. If the entire restaurant didn't have our full attention during Charlie's monologue, they sure a sugar were gawking now. Meanwhile, my world was falling apart.

Charlie said wife. There was no mistaking it. It was me. I was married. It made sense. The nurse had called me Mrs. Black. I just assumed it was because of the ring, but then it hit me, why the hell would a nurse use Jake's last name if my charts had said Swan. He covered it up. He saw how I fainted and he decided to keep it a secret… and what about Edward. He had to know I was married… how couldn't he?

But if I was married to Jake then why were all of my things at Edward's house?

The room quickly began to spin as Sue multitasked screaming at Charlie and comforting me… but it was no use. I hit the floor before I heard a single word she said.

_It was raining. Well, it rained every day, but today it was a downpour. _

_I watched Jake roll his suitcase through the door after kissing me on the cheek and agreeing to call me every night. I couldn't mistake the way his eyes glimmered every time I kissed his cheek, and it broke my heart knowing that I could never feel the same way for him. _

_I gently closed the door after he exited and began crying. What the fuck had I done with my life?_

_I knew I didn't love Jake the way he loved me when I agreed to this whole charade, but I made myself believe that maybe someday I would feel something close. Maybe if could forgot Edward; if I could just erase every memory, every feeling, then maybe I could be happy with Jake… but it didn't work out that way._

_I blamed Edward. I should have blamed myself, but it was his fault, wasn't it? If he hadn't come back, if he hadn't cried when he apologized, if he hadn't looked so broken when I told him I was with Jake… I could have continued to hate him. But he did all of those things, and I fell for him harder than I had that day in high school._

_Suddenly, an urge came over me and I wiped my face harshly, tearing my raincoat from the rack on the foyer wall and running into the hallway. Taking no time to lock the door, I rushed into the elevator. As soon as I reached the lobby, I sprinted out the glass doors into the pouring rain and continued down the sidewalk until I reached his townhouse. I ran up a few steps and banged against his door with all the strength I had left in me after my own little marathon._

_I had my speech planned as I waited for him to reach the door. I would tell him to leave me alone. I would tell him there was no way we could be friends while I felt this way about him. He would have to leave me alone… and once he did me and Jake would be fine. We would have a baby like he wanted… she/he would have his tawny skin and my chocolate colored eyes, and we would take them to the park two blocks over and they would play in the sandbox while Jake pushed me on the swing. We would have a normal life, with normal family dinners where I would cook extravagant meals and everyone would eat them. We would grow old together and have grandchildren and move back to Forks into a house with a wrap-around porch and rocking chairs we would sit in during the summer when the weather was nice and—_

"_Bella?" My mind went blank. "What are you doing? Did you walk here? Come inside." All I could do was nod my head and submit. _

_Edward slipped off my jacket and his cold hands made contact with my arms for a brief second. A jolt shot through my body from the contact and I shivered internally._

"_You must be cold… go sit on the couch and I'll get you something warmer. There's a fire going." I did as he asked and sat down. After a moment of thawing out I got my bearings and continued where I left off planning._

_-watch all of the people passing by. Well, that's about as far as I was planning on going._

"_Here you go." Edward returned with sweatpants and a tee shirt in his hands. "There's powder room right over there next to the kitchen." _

"_Edward, I'm fine in what—"_

"_Bella, please." I stood and grabbed the clothing from him, knowing he wasn't going to take no for an answer by any means._

_While I was changing in the bathroom I began losing my focus. The shirt smelled like him… that leathery, sun kissed, grassy scent that was always most pungent after a long hunt. It enveloped me and I stood there for well-longer than I should have simply smelling his shirt. I was being ridiculous._

_Once I returned to the living room I found Edward sitting in my previous spot solemnly. His legs were at ninety degree angles in front of him with his forearms resting along his knees as his hands clasped together tightly. I shuffled a bit and our eyes met as he stood._

"_No. Sit." I commanded. Edward sat back down and I walked towards him, standing opposite him, with the coffee table between us. I took a few deep breaths and let the words fly from my lips, "I want you to leave."_

_His face contorted in anger and he stood. "What do you mean?"_

"_I can't live like this. I can't be with Jake while you are here living around the corner trying to play best friends. I'm not strong enough." He ran a frustrated hand through his hair while I quickly swiped away the angry tears that were pricking my eyes. "I can't be friends with you, Edward. There's too many… feelings."_

_Before I could move, Edward was beside me clutching my shoulders. "Bella, you were fine yesterday, what happened? Did Jacob do something to you? I'll kill him." His fingers tightened and I shuddered under the pressure, clutching at my shoulders when he finally released them._

"_Edward, that's not what I mean." I walked a few paces back and turned to face him again. "I can't be happy when you're always around reminding me of what I can't have."_

"_I don't understand." He tried to step forward, but gave up when he saw me flinch away._

"_Don't you see?" I shouted rather abruptly. "It's your fault! Jake and I were fine until you had to come along and ruin everything."_

"_Really, Isabella? Were you really happy?" He moved toward me before I could back away. "Because I'm thinking, if you and Jake were really genuinely happy then me returning wouldn't change a thing."_

"_No, Edward, no! Do you honestly think I would just welcome you with open arms and sing a happy little song, and we would go on our marry way and be together forever… or until I was too old and crotchety to live anymore? You left. I had to get on with my life, and that meant Jake. Then you had to come back and remind me of everything I lost, and it's not fair! It's not FUCKING fair!" I collapsed onto the couch sobbing. "All I want is to make Jake happy, but I don't know how to be happy myself. I feel like I'm lying to his face every time I hug him or kiss him… He told me he loved me before he left today and I nodded. All I could do was nod. It's not normal." I tried to cover my face, but Edward was kneeling before me prying my hands from my face despite my protests._

"_Bella." He sighed, pressing his forehead against my and holding onto my wrists as I tried to pry myself from his grasp. "Bella, stop moving around and let me speak." I stopped and he let go of my wrists, lifting a hand and resting it on my cheek while his thumb wiped my tear stained cheeks."I'm sorry."_

"_Sorry for what? Ruining my life?" He let go of me and sat back on his heels. His head sunk lower as if I had kicked him and I immediately regretted my comment. "No, Edward, I didn't mean that." I tried to pull his face upwards so I could see what he was thinking, but it wouldn't move. "Edward. I'm sorry. It's not your fault, it's me."_

"_No. You're right." He lifted his head as I held it in my hands. I hurt him. I shouldn't care, because that was what I came here for. "I was being selfish when I came back."_

_For a while we just stayed. I was sitting; he was kneeling in front of me. We didn't speak, we didn't touch, we just stayed. Thinking._

_What seemed like hours later Edward spoke up, "Bella. I just can't leave."_

"_I don't want you to." I gave in._

_He reached up and lifted his weight off of his heels and grabbed my face again bringing his face so dangerously close the our lips whispered against each other. I could tell the proximity was hurting him as my fingers ran over strained veins in across his neck._

_My mind kept repeating the same mantra, "Don't kiss him, don't kiss him, whatever you do don't kiss him." Which quickly turned to, "Kiss him but nothing else, kiss him but nothing else."_

_Before I could hold it back I moaned, "Edward please." And my lips were against his in a crushing symphony. A guttural moan escaped from his throat as my tongue ran across his bottom lip, and he quickly opened his mouth giving me access. Then something strange happened._

_It was like being blackout drunk, but without the alcohol to induce it, before I could even register what was happening, I was tearing Edward's shirt from his chest and running my hands across the contours of his torso while one of his hands gently tugged at my bra, releasing my chest from its confined state, just in time for his other hand to grasp my exposed breast. _

_I was preparing myself to push him away from me, when he gently rolled one of my nipples, causing all coherent thought to leave my body as my head rolled backwards on my neck. Edward seemed pleased with the sight and continued the motion, heating my core with every flick of his finger._

"_Edward." I sighed as he hoisted himself off of his knees, laying me on the couch for better access._

"_Bella, may I take off your shirt?" I almost laughed out loud at his sense of propriety, but voted on simply nodding and replying, "It's your shirt remember?"_

_He chuckled so deeply that I could almost feel it rumble in my belly as the sound caressed my ears and heated my core. "Then I guess that means I get it back." He slowly dragged the fabric from my body and tossed the shirt to the side gazing hungrily at my exposed breasts, before turning his attention back to me._

_His eyes were black with lust, just as mine would have been if they were subject to mood change like his were. "I guess that means I'm going to take these back too." Before I could react he ripped the sweatpants from my body, unknowingly releasing my panties as well._

_I gasped as the cool air hit the heated space where my legs met. "Oh my god!" I cried as he quickly ducked his head and licked along each lip before penetrating the space and lapping against the walls. One of my hands grasped and beat against the back of the couch while the fingers of my other hand twirled their way into his hair in an attempt to create more friction._

"_Bella!" He gasped as he jerked his head back and contorted his face. _

"_Edward, what's wrong?" I cried, crawling down towards him. "Did I do something wrong?"_

_He stayed stone still for a moment before bashfully raising his head. "Of course not. You didn't do anything wrong… I just."_

"_What?" I questioned._

"_I didn't anticipate how I would react to…" He couldn't seem to form the words, so he coughed a few times and tried again before giving up._

"_Edward, tell me what I did. Please." I almost cried, feeling a bit embarrassed of myself for acting the way I had… grabbing his head and grinding against his face, like some kind of animal._

"_I came in my pants." He blurted out. _

"_You what?" I nearly shouted._

"_You heard me." He groaned, rolling on his side while I lightly scratched his head, trying to comfort him while holding in my giggles. Apparently, they, like his bodily fluids, could not be contained. "Are you laughing at me?" He muffled from the couch seams._

"_Edward… it's hilarious." He lifted his head, a look of embarrassed disbelief clouding his face. "You're a vampire… you're supposed to be some kind of Lestat, seducing me and making me scream… but instead, you jizzed yourself halfway through third base." I started laughing again and he sat up, straddling me shouting accusations before he began tickling me ferociously._

"_There. That'll teach you to laugh at a vampire!" He ended with a cheesy hiss, bearing his teeth and lunging for my neck, ravishing me until my giggles turned to moans once again._

I awoke in my room in Charlie's house, under the strange bed linens the covered my old full-sized bed with a massive headache. A pounding sensation radiated behind my eyes and it took everything in me not to think about the ridiculous dream I had just had. Was it a memory, or was it just a dream.

I leaned over to my bedside table and opened the small drawer, pulling out the bottle of Advil I had stashed there upon my arrival. I popped three little capsules and waited the thirty minutes for the pain to wear off before calling Alice, the one person I knew could answer this question.

"Yes, Bella."

"Hey Al, I had the strangest—"

"No, I mean, Yes is the answer to your question. You're going to ask me if you were having an affair with Edward and the answer is yes." My heart plummeted. How could I, of all people do something so… skanky, whorish, disgusting, disrespectful, the list goes on. "But you have to remember, Bella, you had absolutely no control over this."

"How the Hell could I have no control? This is my life and I made my own choices and one of those choices was to cheat on the best guy I have ever met with one of the worst."

"Bella, that is hardly fair, you know Edward is nowhere near the worst man you have met; and as for Jacob… well Bella, there's more to the story than you think. You just have to remember."

"Why can't you people just tell me? Every time I am blindsided by something I remember a little piece. So lay it on me Alice! I'm all ears!" I screeched through the receiver as Alice sighed heavily from the other end.

"You are being hysterical."

"I'm not sure how else to be right now."

"I think you should stay in Forks for a little while longer. Consider it like a trip to a spa resort. Stay there for a week or two and don't come back until you have a more pleasant attitude." Alice meant well, but I could sense her frustration with me as she spat out the last few words.

"I'm sorry, Alice."

"Apology accepted. Now why don't you go for a little walk in the woods? I have this strange feeling something good will happen." I could almost see her little smirk.

* * *

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